October 15, 2007 Subject:
Nice tune; needs a bit of re-arrangement
Here’s what I think (take it with a pinch of salt, but you know that already):
1) There’s an uplifting feel conveyed by the rhythm guitar. I like the sharp and clear notes. I’d raise the volume of the clean guitar notes, maybe pan them (why? maybe to offset the heavy lead… I dunno, I’m just winging it!). As always, your rhythms are so very different from what I can come up with. Better than what I can produce. But I’d want to hear more of it. The lead
2) You combined the sound recordings of the waves and the crickets! nice (Have you considered starting the track with the crickets, then fading in the waves?). Consider a slight fade in for the waves. Unless you intend to convey that sudden rush of waves.
3) The lead came in at 0″15mins, and started off sounding with potential. I liked the melody. But I think the timing was a bit off and got a bit messy after that. But with some tweaking of your GarageBand tracks, that can be easily rectified.
4) When I first heard the song (via computer speakers), I wasn’t able to tell which were the distinct parts… maybe the chord progression got drowned out by the lead. But when I heard with the earphones, it sounded better. Could tell which were the chorus and which were the verses. I’m even more convinced the rhythm section should be up
5) I’d also try using slight variation in guitar effects for the chorus-lead and the verse-lead. Unless we play like Satriani, where the notes-per-beat is very discernible, then we need to resort to guitar effects, heh.
6) The part from 0″15mins to 0″30mins ought to be used to close off the song. At least that’s how I’d do it. Otherwise to me, there’s no “closure” and the lead is left hanging.
7) For some reason I liked how the guitar sounded at 1′38mins. Like a bunch of guitar voices combined to make a chorus. But as I said, I’d review the lead melody to give it a more “sticky” factor. Maybe repeat the chorus-lead at the end, to reinforce that you’re ending the song on a high and positive note.